@ Matter of Life
2025-01-24 12:14:03
###### *("Shipwreck off Nantucket" William Bradford, ca. 1860–61)*
**What Does It Mean That Grief Comes in Waves?**
Grief is often compared to waves—a natural, unpredictable rhythm that surges and recedes, catching us off guard and sweeping us into a sea of emotions. Just like the ocean, grief can be calm one moment and tumultuous the next, leaving us gasping for air. This metaphor resonates deeply because it reflects the enduring, nonlinear nature of loss. Whether your loss occurred recently or years ago, grief remains a lifelong journey, ebbing and flowing with time.
**Why Grief Feels Like Waves**
At its core, grief is the emotional response to loss, and it doesn’t follow a set timetable. Emotions can be triggered unexpectedly by a song, a scent, or a special date, sending a wave of sorrow crashing over you. Author Adriel Booker eloquently describes these moments:
> “You might understand intellectually that they [the waves] will keep coming, but some days they hit more forcefully, more fiercely than you ever imagined possible.”
This lack of predictability makes grief feel overwhelming. It’s not something you “get over,” but rather something you learn to navigate, much like a sailor facing unpredictable seas.
**Navigating the First Waves of Grief**
When a loss first occurs, the waves of grief can feel relentless. An insightful analogy from a viral Reddit post likens the initial experience of grief to a shipwreck:
> “When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more.”
In these early stages, the waves are towering and frequent, crashing over you with little respite. The best advice during this time is simply to float—cling to what sustains you, whether it’s a supportive friend, a cherished memory, or a comforting ritual. Survival is the priority.
**The Changing Tides of Grief Over Time**
As time passes, the waves of grief may become less frequent and slightly more predictable. Anniversaries, holidays, or milestones often serve as triggers, bringing back the pain of loss. However, with each passing wave, you gain resilience.
The Reddit post continues:
> “Somewhere down the line… you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself.”
This doesn’t mean grief ever goes away. The waves still arrive, but they no longer hold the same power to drown you. Instead, they become reminders of the love and connection you shared, leaving behind scars that tell a story of resilience and remembrance.
**Coping with the Waves**
While grief may never fully disappear, there are ways to weather its storms:
1. **Acknowledge Your Emotions:** Allow yourself to feel without judgment. Grief is a natural response to love and loss.
2. **Find Anchors:** Lean on meaningful memories, objects, or relationships that ground you.
3. **Seek Support:** Whether through friends, family, or professional counselors, connection can be a lifeline.
4. **Prepare for Triggers:** Recognize that certain dates or events may bring waves of grief and plan how to cope in advance.
5. **Practice Self-Compassion:** Healing takes time, and there’s no “right” way to grieve.
**Conclusion: A Lifelong Journey**
Grief, much like the ocean, is vast and unpredictable. But with time and support, you can learn to navigate its waters. The waves will never stop coming, but they will change. And as you face each wave, you’ll discover strength and meaning in your journey.
Grief is a testament to love. As the Reddit post poignantly concludes:
> “If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”