@ Dodjosch
2025-02-28 18:35:06
First Contact with a Narcissist: A Deceptive Illusion
The first interaction with a narcissist can be surprising.
A toxic, disturbed person will tell you everything you want to hear, showing or saying things that create the illusion that they possess something valuable to you. This could be something you need, something you believe in, or something missing from your life. But the narcissist never intends to let you have it. From the very beginning, their only goal is to stay ahead of you—to keep you chasing them until the very end of the relationship, never allowing you to reach them or obtain what they initially promised.
This dynamic is no different from a hamster running in its wheel after a meal. This is called love bombing—but there is no real love, no space for true love, because a narcissist is incapable of it. There is nothing truly valuable here; it’s all an illusion. What the narcissist dangles in front of you is nothing more than a tool to lure you in. Over time, they convince you that the reward is coming.
The narcissist makes you believe that love, respect, attention, admiration, and compliments are just around the corner. They want you to believe that your moment will come and that you will finally receive everything you saw in the beginning. But as time passes, you start to realize that the narcissist is no longer the same person you first met.
The rewards disappear. You tolerate too much, endure mistreatment, and allow things you never would have accepted before. The narcissist turns out to be the exact opposite of what they initially portrayed. They will abuse you in sophisticated ways—mentally and emotionally—breaking you down, using manipulation to make you believe they are exactly who they claim to be.
As you begin to understand their true intentions, your instincts may tell you to pull away. You might start avoiding their calls, meetings, or even being in the same room with them. At this point, the narcissist senses that their "hamster," their "donkey," their "servant"—their supply—is slipping away. They know you are no longer tolerating their behavior.
To keep you from leaving, the narcissist knows they must change tactics—but they also need to continue their abuse and manipulation.
The Never-Ending Cycle
The narcissist cannot survive without their supply of attention and control. They can’t simply stop the cycle of abuse and manipulation, so their only option is to return to love bombing. They will show you glimpses of what you originally fell for, but it’s just another illusion. This process conditions you over time, lowering your expectations until you start accepting mere crumbs—things you never deserved in the first place.
You endure endless mistreatment, manipulation, mind games, and psychological violence. The narcissist knows that you are aware of this, so they return with grand gestures, trying to convince you that "this time" it will be different, that they "really care" now, or that they have "changed." But nothing truly changes. No progress is made. Eventually, you begin to see through the illusions, realizing exactly who you’re dealing with.
Once the narcissist understands that you see through them, that you recognize the mask they’ve been wearing, they become dangerous. They know you no longer believe their act, and from that moment on, their goal shifts—to destroy you.
You’ve done nothing wrong, yet by exposing them, you have become a threat. It’s like witnessing a crime—you are now a liability.
The Narcissist’s Revenge
To eliminate this "threat," the narcissist will begin to sabotage you—smearing your reputation, damaging your relationships, and even interfering with your career or future connections. They will do everything possible to keep you beneath them.
But it doesn’t stop there. Since you’ve uncovered the truth about them, you must now "pay" for it—at least, that’s how the narcissist sees it. Every step forward you take in your life will be met with resistance. Suddenly, nothing you do is right anymore. Even though you are the same person you were at the start of the relationship, everything you say and do is now criticized.
The narcissist will mentally and emotionally abuse you, manipulate you, and make you feel miserable. They want you to believe that you are the problem, that you are worthless, and that you are good for no one. This is how the narcissist sees you now—as someone with no value, simply because you’ve seen the truth behind their mask.
But here’s the reality:
You are not the problem.
You are not worthless.
You were manipulated, not broken.
You cannot "fix" the narcissist, nor can you restore the person they pretended to be in the beginning—because that person never existed. It was all just a well-played, long-term illusion. The shocking truth is that you never truly knew them at all.
The Only Way Out
The only way to escape a narcissist is to cut all contact—immediately and permanently.
Don’t dwell on what happened. Don’t try to make sense of their behavior. The moment you try to understand their toxicity, you give them another opening to manipulate you.
A narcissist will abuse you, manipulate you, and then make you believe that you are the problem. But if you were truly the problem, you would have been the one engaging in manipulation and abuse. You weren’t.
The Narcissist's Reality
A narcissist is a predator in every relationship they enter. But they lack the emotional maturity to take responsibility for their actions. They live in denial, doing everything possible to avoid feelings of guilt or shame.
Healthy, mature individuals take responsibility for their emotions and mistakes. A narcissist doesn’t. They have spent their entire life avoiding accountability, refusing self-reflection, and blaming others. Without responsibility, there is no learning. Without learning, there is no growth. Without growth, there is no maturity.
This is why you should never expect or hope for change from a narcissist.
Narcissists Do Not Change
They have no desire to change because change requires effort, self-awareness, and responsibility—things a narcissist is incapable of. You were dealing with someone who doesn’t even recognize their own problem. You were dealing with someone who doesn’t want a solution.
A narcissist thrives on chaos and destruction. That is their comfort zone.
The more dysfunction, the better.
A narcissist does not want peace, happiness, understanding, or compromise. If they did, you would have seen it already.
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