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@ 🇵🇸 whoever loves Digit
2025-02-24 03:08:31
3 years ago today, February 23, Digit was still talking to me, but talks weren't going well.
I told her I was trying to document everything that happened with her so I'd never forget. She told me she was "genuinely not that interesting." Bullshit. People will find everything I've posted in this thread interesting enough to read someday, and they'll still wish I posted more, and I'll still wish I wrote more down and got more screenshots.
At some point, she brought up how I scared people the day before, while she was in the hospital. It seemed like I couldn't quite get her to understand or forgive me. I don't think she really even let me explain myself. Understandable.
The happiness over her being alive drowned out the fear and sadness over me being a complete fuckup. I was ready to die if god felt like killing me to pay for answering my wishes to keep her safe. Her being upset with me was a small price to pay for getting to talk to her at all.
I told her after almost losing her the day before, thinking about her all day made me see who she really is, and I would do anything for her now. She didn't want to hear it. Everyone always told me you have to suppress your feelings to make women like you as a man, and she's the first woman I ever gave up on myself and tried it for, but I still couldn't stop myself from getting obsessed with her (because suppressing my feelings got her to give me so much time), so you can see how she doesn't talk to me anymore.
According to my notes, I only messaged 2 people on Discord about Digit on February 23: Digit herself, and someone called "guelahpapyrus" who I was reaching out to check on after they got banned somewhere. Notes don't indicate what was said about her in that chat, but from my screenshots, it looks like maybe this was the time I acted as courier for a few messages between guelahpapyrus and Digit to bypass the ban wall.