@ BeneathTheInk
2025-02-05 02:37:14
## Reflection on Growth and Gratitude
Ah, the Holidays…
That time of year when we return where it all began. The hustle and grind of the past twelve months has built to a fever pitch, and whatever we’ve achieved — or failed to — clings to us like a weight on our shoulders as we step onto the doorsteps of home.
It’s a time of reunions, of seeing faces that knew us before careers, titles, and responsibilities etched lines into our brows. Eyes linger a moment too long, quietly assessing:
“Have they changed?”
“Have they succeeded?”
“How much weight have they gained — or lost?”
And then come the words — warm, congratulatory, or otherwise. “You look amazing!” they’ll gush, or worse, the silence of unspoken judgment.
Later, with old friends, the comparisons begin. It’s subtle, unspoken, but there. This year, as I stood in front of my best friend’s meticulously polished Porsche SUV, a gift to his wife, the voice in my head wasn’t congratulating him. It was whispering something else: envy.
I was happy for him — truly. I congratulated him on being in a position to give his wife something so extravagant. But as we spent the day together, subtle hints started to pile up, revealing there was more to his gift than I’d initially thought.
Since the last time I’d seen him, he’d grown significantly wealthier. There were comments and allusions that suggested he might even be a millionaire. What started as a faint whisper of envy in the back of my mind soon ignited into a flame of curiosity — and, I’ll admit, a touch of self-pity.
I couldn’t help but wonder: How the hell did he do it?
I tried to play it cool, to not make a fuss about it, but it was gnawing at me. I’d spent the last 12 months busting my ass, juggling work, two kids, and a wife, barely keeping my head above water.
He had kids. He was married. He worked a full-time job. Yet, somehow, he was fitter than me, his house was tidier than mine, and everything I struggled to maintain at a high standard seemed effortlessly better in his world.
What was I missing?
I fought the urge to chalk it up to something simple, like a secret inheritance from a wealthy relative I didn’t know about. Maybe, his grandfather passed and left him a fortune?
Our conversation deepened. I started to understand more about his daily routines and professional growth.
There was no silver bullet. No stroke of luck or hidden windfall. He was simply outworking me in every way imaginable.
Looking at him in his beautiful home, talking about his plans and the ways he still aspired to grow, took me back to when we were kids. Back to the times we would sit on the porch, watching cars roll by, projecting our dreams into the world.
He had turned those dreams into reality — and now, here he was, setting his sights on even higher ceilings to break through.
I felt a pang of shame for the envy stirring inside me.
What had I been doing wrong?
We were essentially the same person. We grew up in the same neighborhood, shared the same circle of friends all the way through college, believed in the same values, and approached life with the same mindset.
But as I listened to him, I realized we had the same foundations and potential, yet we executed differently. He was waking up at 4 a.m. to pursue the things he loved, knowing his busy days wouldn’t allow for it otherwise. Meanwhile, I was hitting snooze, sleeping until the last possible moment before scrambling to get the kids ready and start my day.
I’d been putting off the things I love — like writing. I’d turned down opportunities for higher-paying jobs because I feared they’d chip away at the little time I already had.
The envy I’d felt began to crystalize, forming a smooth, reflective surface — and staring back at me was my own face.
That’s when it hit me: I was actually lucky.
What better friend could I ask for than someone who serves as a reflection of a better version of myself? What better inspiration could there be than the drive to return next year and say, “Hey man, I’m right there with you.”
Not everyone returns from the holidays feeling inspired. Most head back to their “real” lives with bags of half-thought-out gifts, a few extra pounds around the waist, and the quiet relief of leaving their hometown behind.
Many start the new year armed with a list of goals but rarely with a clear vision of the person they want to become.
The seed of envy grew into something better in me; a desire to do more, to be more.
Cheers to you, bud. Here’s to the push I needed.
#Envy #growNostr #Friends