@ LibertyGal

If we want to find God’s definition of marriage, we want to start at the beginning. As the song from “The Sound of Music” says,

"Let's start at the very beginning.
A very good place to start.
When you read you begin withA, B, C."

With God’s word, we start with Genesis. The foundation for almost every principle in the Bible is found in Genesis. (Which is one of many reasons to take Genesis literally. If we don’t we lose the entire foundation of the Gospel)

What is Marriage?

Even before we get the definition of marriage, we need God’s definition (and creation) of man and woman.

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-28) {emphasis mine}

To begin to understand marriage, we have to know what makes up marriage. Marriage is made up of one male and one female created by God for a purpose. What was that purpose? The purpose of the human couple was to “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it.”

This purpose is stated more than once in the Bible. It is stated at creation as shown above. It is stated twice immediately after Noah exited the Ark at the end of the flood. “And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” (Genesis 9:1) and “As for you, be fruitful and multiply; Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it.” (Genesis 9:7) Late in Jacob’s life, when God changed his name to Israel,

“God also said to him,“I am God Almighty;Be fruitful and multiply;A nation and a company of nations shall come from you,And kings shall come forth from you.The land which I gave to Abraham and Isaac,I will give it to you,And I will give the land to your descendants after you.” (Genesis 35:11-12) {emphasis mine}

Even much later in Israel’s history, Jeremiah is told by God,

“Then I Myself will gather the remnant of My flock out of all the countries where I have driven them and bring them back to their pasture, and they will be fruitful and multiply.” (Jeremiah 23:3)

Being fruitful, multiplying, and filling the Earth has been God’s will and command since the beginning of time.

In Genesis 2, God gives a description of the first marriage and why He created and prescribed it.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-25) {emphasis mine}

God, as a triune God, understands that it is not good to be alone. As God is the unified three persons, the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit and as they work together with one will, so God intends the man and woman to become one flesh and to work together with one will. No one (human) can truly be successful if he is alone. God created a helper for the man, Adam, to aid him in obeying God’s command to “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it.” The husband and wife are called to work together to obey God’s will.

God says that His institute of marriage will cause the man to “be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” The will be inseparably one just as the Trinity is inseparably one God while still being 3 persons.

Also listen to the last statement in this passage, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” In a perfect, Godly marriage, the man and woman should be so much one flesh that they can be naked, physically and emotionally, and not be ashamed. True, with the sin nature we all have today, this is never 100% lived out, but if we are living according to the will of God and trusting in His righteousness, we can approach this ideal as it was originally in the Garden of Eden.

The God Prescribed Organization of Marriage

For any group of people to act in concert, the group needs an organization of the roles of each person in the group. Sometimes this is a formal list of roles. Sometimes everyone just naturally takes a role and works together, but there is always some kind of role. (Even the Father, Son, and Spirit have different roles within the Godhead.) God has prescribed the man to be the leader, provider, and protector in marriage (family). He has prescribed the woman to be the helper, the nurturer, and the homemaker.

Unfortunately, in today’s culture, God’s command that the man be the leader is not taken very well and is misinterpreted and misapplied by both men and women. To often this interpreted to mean that the man has more value and more importance than the woman. This is a complete lie.

This passage is talking about how all Christians are given different spiritual gifts, but we are all part of the body and all parts are necessary for the body to work properly. In the same way, in a marriage or family, all members have different gifts, skills, and responsibilities, but all are necessary for the marriage or family to work together for the good of the family and for God’s will.

For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. (1 Corinthians 12:12-26) {emphasis mine}

Just as God made the husband and wife one flesh, so also He made the Church one body. Because of this similarity, I believe this passage can be applied to marriage.

“All the members of the body, though they are many, are one body.” God has made the husband and wife one flesh or one body that should work as one to serve God and His will. Just as you take care of yourself and your body, so you should take care of your spouse because they are one with you.

“God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.” Just as God puts members of the church in the positions He desires: “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,” (Ephesians 4:11) so He also puts the husband and the wife in the position He desires. (We will get more into this below.)

“The members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor.” Many people, especially women, resent that the husband is put in authority over the woman. They think this makes a woman have less honor, or even worse, make her the husband’s property. This is definitely not what God desires. God actually expects a husband to treat his wife with great respect and honor and punishes a husband who fails to do so. “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) A wise husband will always seek his wife’s advice, especially when it is an area where she excels and he does not, but when you have a group, you always need someone to make the final decision when an agreement cannot be reached. This responsibility lies with the husband. This is not an easy burden.

“So that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” God gives each member of the family different responsibilities so they can care for each other, not compete with each other, and so “there may be no division.” Have you ever had several people trying to complete the same task, at the same time, and in the same small space? Everyone is stepping on each other and grabbing things at the same time, and getting in each others way. It works much better if you divide the whole task into multiple smaller tasks where each person has their own task to complete and then things are brought together to complete the overall task. This is God’s design for marriage. He made man and woman to complement each other. He made them so the whole (marriage) is greater than the parts (the man and woman). This is God’s perfect design.

God’s Role for Wives

Don’t shoot the messenger, but this is what God says:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

God clearly tells women to “be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” If you notice, it says to “be subject to your own husbands.” It does not say that all women are subject to all men. It is not devaluing women. It is defining the design of marriage and the family so it functions as God designed.

If you are a young woman who is not yet married, this should be a wakeup call in your search for a husband. You are commanded “be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Too often women marry a man because of his looks, his money (ability to provide), or because they want to “mother” and “fix” him. They marry the man because he “needs” me. This is unwise. If you are dating a man or considering marrying a man, can you imagine continually submitting to him? If not, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

When I was young and single, I wasn’t actively searching for a husband, but I had a rule for myself. If I ever reached the point in my relationship with a man that I realized I could never marry him, I would immediately end the relationship even if it was enjoyable at the time. I didn’t want to form an attachment to someone who would be a bad husband, or even just a bad husband for me.

For those women who are already married, you don’t have this option. You are called to submit. You may ask, “Is there any time in which you would be called to not submit to your husband?” Yes, but be careful. If you are truly being called to disobey God’s clear commands, you should definitely obey God rather than man, but make sure you don’t use this freedom to disobey when there is a preference involved, even if that is a Godly preference.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. (1 Peter 31-2)

This could be an opportunity to win your husband for Christ or to bring him back to Christ, if he has just drifted away.

Especially if you have a godless or disobedient husband, this command to submit will be difficult, but the best things in life usually are difficult. You will be blessed by God for being a Godly wife.

If you are like me, the wife of a Godly husband who lives his life by God’s command and takes his role as the Godly role model seriously, you are truly blessed. Don’t forget this blessing and dwell on any particular small faults. Lift him up and praise him for his Godly traits and you will likely see them grow and bloom.

God’s Role for Husbands

Technically, husbands have higher and harder responsibilities than wives.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, (Ephesians 5:25-29)

Husbands are called to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” This is a high bar to meet. Husbands you are to have the love of Christ in every thing you do for, to, and with your wife. You are to put your wife before yourself just as “[Jesus] gave Himself up for her [the church].”

Just as submitting is not easy, putting another’s good before your own is not easy. Ironically the best way to accomplish this isn’t by focusing totally on your wife. It is by focusing totally on God and His will. If you have totally submitted to God’s will and are trusting in His plan, He will enable you to have the love of Christ and to love your wife as yourself. (This also helps wives to submit to their husbands.) If you have totally submitted to God, this will enable you to love your family and be the Godly leader God has called you to be.

Circling Back to the Beginning for God’s Blessing

Because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:30-33)

Do you remember what we learned in Genesis at the beginning of this article? We learned that, “a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” God’s creation and design of man and woman are the basis for the whole design of marriage described in the New Testament.

Also notice the comparison between marriage and the Church. “Because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Just as a husband and wife become one flesh in marriage, so also all Christians become one body with Christ. God joins us together so we can experience a tiny hint of what He is in the Trinity. Just as God is 3 persons in 1 God, so also a husband and wife become one flesh in marriage and the Church becomes one body in Jesus. We gain a closeness that cannot be achieved through any human means.

Don’t allow culture and our own feelings/opinions to redefine marriage and destroy the blessing that God has given us.

Trust Jesus.

Bible verses are NASB (New American Standard Bible) 1995 edition unless otherwise stated.

*** Interesting Side Issue ***

I just read an article about a newish AI, Perplexity.ai that does a good job giving you the truth and gives references to where it found information. It also suggests additional, related subjects to investigate.

I do not use AI to help write my articles, but having just written this one, I asked Perplexity, "What does the Bible say about the purpose and design of marriage?" This was its response (and I was impressed):

Answer

According to the Bible, God designed marriage with several key purposes:

1. Companionship and partnership: God created marriage to provide companionship, stating "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). Marriage is meant to be a unique union between a man and a woman where they become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
2. Procreation and raising children: One purpose of marriage is to "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). The sexual union in marriage was designed in part to bring forth children who are to be raised "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
3. Spiritual intimacy and growth: Marriage provides an opportunity for a couple to pursue God together and help each other grow spiritually. It allows spouses to model God's love and forgiveness to each other.
4. Reflecting God's relationship with His people: Marriage is meant to be a picture of God's covenant relationship with believers. Throughout Scripture, marriage imagery is used to describe God's love for Israel and Christ's love for the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
5. Mutual support and sanctification: The challenges and joys of marriage are meant to draw spouses closer to God and make them more holy. Spouses are to help steer each other toward God. Glorifying God: Ultimately, marriage is designed to bring glory to God by reflecting His character and love to the world. A godly marriage can be a powerful witness.
6. The Bible emphasizes that marriage is God's idea and design, not a human invention. It is meant to be a lifelong, exclusive covenant between one man and one woman. While personal happiness is not the primary purpose, a marriage that follows God's design can lead to deep fulfillment as couples grow together in faith and love.

Related

• How does the Bible describe the roles of husband and wife
• What does the Bible say about the purpose of marriage in the New Testament
• How does the Bible compare marriage to the relationship between God and His people
• What are the main differences between God's design for marriage and modern views
• How does the Bible address the issue of divorce within marriage

The related items are suggested follow up queries related to the question asked. I was shocked at how well the AI did. Although I would never fully trust AI to give me Biblical answers, it looks like this AI could be useful to start research on the topic.

FYI, my copy doesn't have the links to sources that the AI gives because that was too much work to implement easily in my NOSTR editor.