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@ Yohan Yukiya Sese Cuneta 사요한 🦩
2024-07-24 21:22:42Here in the Philippines, we have a concept called “utang-na-loob”. However, this term has become muddled by English translations, mixing "owe" with "gratitude".
You'll often hear "utang-na-loob" translated as “gratitude” or “being grateful”. But “utang” translates to “owe” in English. Let's break it down with a parent-child example:
- Filipino: Utang-na-loob mo sa aming mga magulang mo na nabuhay ka.
- English: You owe us for being born, so we expect you to repay us once you start earning.
See the issue here?
- Children don’t owe their parents for being born. It was the parents who decided to bring them into the world.
Think about it. If you were an unplanned child, do you owe your parents for being born? How could that be? It's the same even if you were a planned child.
- The expectation that children will "repay" their parents once they start earning is problematic.
Some parents stop working once their children get a job, expecting their children to support them financially as a form of repayment for being raised and educated.
Isn’t it a permanent responsibility of parents to provide for their children, whether financially or emotionally?
This expectation continues even after the children start their own families. They are still expected to support their parents financially because of “utang-na-loob”.
This is fundamentally wrong on many levels.
What parents actually meant by “utang-na-loob” is “gratitude” or deep thanks, with no expectation of repayment. If someone chooses to give back, it should be out of goodwill, not obligation.
“Utang-na-loob” should simply mean "owe". For example, if I help you build your countryside home, you might say, “Thank you, I owe you one!”
Or, if you borrow money from me and repay it, you might still feel you owe me for helping you out. That’s the essence of “utang-na-loob”.
Can you see now how the misuse of “utang-na-loob” creates misunderstandings and strained relationships?
Consider the parent-child relationship again:
- Do you want your children to help you out of genuine gratitude for all you’ve done, from their hearts? Or,
- Do you want them to help because they feel obligated, believing they owe you for being born and for your sacrifices?
In the first scenario, your children will willingly help you out of love and gratitude, even if it means significant personal sacrifice.
In the second scenario, you might feel stressed about asking for help, fearing their reluctance or resentment. You could mistakenly see them as ungrateful, when in fact, they love you but feel pressured by the obligation of “utang-na-loob” applied incorrectly.
This applies to all relationships, not just parent-child. It could be between spouses, siblings, cousins, or business partners. To avoid confusion and misunderstandings, it’s better to use “owe” for obligations and “gratitude” for heartfelt thanks, and refrain from using the phrase “utang-na-loob”.
That was quite the discussion. Until next time!