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@ Raasclart! inpc
2025-02-15 08:26:21
*disclaimer - image has no relation to article.
I spend most the time moderately brain dead, how do I know this? By regularly recording my voice. I guess everyone likes to believe they’re pretty smart somehow but listening back to my voice, it is clear I am not. There’s more erms, ums, silences and failure to complete sentences than any fully formed thoughts, the closest to thoughts mostly trail away into silence. I’m not saying this to beat myself up, it’s an observation that I find quite amusing to be honest, It can be quite funny but it’s not exactly what peak performance looks like.
This isn’t ideal so I’m writing these longer form notes to help. Even trying this, I spend way more time blank than typing, I’m gently nudging my brain to try something… a complete thought, I’m not promising anything and it’s unlikely you’re going to read anything illuminating here. Sucks to be you right now right?
A lot of stuff happens doesn’t it? I’ve noticed that it sort of like, happens all the time, like woooaaahhh a thing just happened... and another... and another and they keep happening. I’m resisting to urge the write them out as they happen. I think that service is called The News right? It appears to be linear but I don’t think time is linear? At least not anything beyond a local scale…
I’m sitting in my shed and it's cold, I’ve turned the little heater on but with only 5W of power, it takes a while to heat the space, although once warm, this place holds the heat well, that’s the advantage of using some acoustic treatment for building materials.
I’m trying to evolve around a Value 4 Value economy. I’m struggling tbh. I’m trying things to create value. Over the course of 6 months I’ve generated £100 outside of my usual work. Using money as a metric I’m doing pretty badly. There are people who spend that on a single bottle of wine, and that’s a cheap bottle. But what is value anyway? I don’t know! Maybe someone could do a 16 hour long podcast called What Is Value? A bit like the What Is Money podcast but even longer. 16 hours seems like a sensible length. Were I to host it, 15 hours and 30 minutes would be silence. Maybe that’s a gig for you? I’m just trying out ideas here…
I do get value in other ways though. Playing records for an hour each day and sharing the experience does wonders for my mental health, It keeps my mind open to noises, which no doubt help me in the day job. I also get value from the people who share the time with me, that fact people return each morning suggests they do to. It’s very cool actually. Even if I can’t take credit for Miles Davis and Nightmares On Wax records. It’s still cool. I dig it a lot. I think I’ll keep doing it.
However, I’m still scratching my head how to earn more actual cash. Not that I’m obsessed or anything but it’s the best thing to exchange for food. I tried shoplifting as a kid and I was terrible at it. I didn’t invest the time in getting good at it, I just didn’t want to. More fool me right?
I’ve been doing the sums for setting up a space in town. Including rent, business rates, utilities and paying myself, I’m looking at finding £5,000 per month. Currently I earn between £1,500-£1,800 a month. Not a lot I know. I saw a post someone make looking for work online the other day, they were looking for 10x what I earn. They seem to be pretty good with computers… I bet they’re shit with Phil Collins’ emojis though. So I need to at least 3x the value I can provide in order to make the space work.
There’s probably people reading this thinking ‘get a job’. OK… how about no? I enjoy what I do, that doesn’t mean it’s always fun or not tough but I have a fair amount of autonomy. I don’t think I’m cut out for a ‘job’ but I definitely want to find things I can do which people are happy to swap for cash. This is a different thing all together. A job is targets and performance reviews etc. As I understand it, a person in a suit who earns slightly more than you, tells you if you’re any good on behalf of someone else. If you’re not, instead of telling you to fuck off, they tell you to do more or do better or they’ll tell you to fuck off, trapping you in some weird mind game. And it’s not even their own mind game, it’s a mind game someone else has trapped them into. These chains of mind games can be extremely long and can go through many, many people, literally billions of people find themselves trapped in this weird mind game. It doesn’t sound like my bag at all. I liked the bag James Brown had. That bag was cool.
So I’ll keep thinking… I’m certainly not giving up.