@ Princedede
2025-03-13 08:42:37
That anonymous post from the lady who chose her career really got to me. So much has been going through my head since I read that. I'm going to try to write it all out - hopefully, it comes out just as perfectly as it is in my head right now. 🫂
It's quite funny but understandable that most men's responses on both X and my WhatsApp contact list focused on her character - maybe she needs to look inward, yada yada...
But I feel it could be more than that, especially considering that most Nigerian men find a woman who is doing well for herself intimidating. But let's start from there...
I wrote something a couple of days ago, saying, "When God was creating man, He was thinking about work and relationships. When He was creating woman, He was thinking about man."
Woman was created for companionship - to share in his responsibilities and bring balance to him.
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That message focused on the importance of companionship and the need not to get carried away by the recent woke feminist trend that makes you feel like you don’t need a man.
Her frustration was valid...
But how do we fix this?
Assuming her character is okay, could the issue be that men feel intimidated by her success?
I shared a screenshot from a friend a few weeks ago about how she feels men find her intimidating because of how independent she is...
You know, there’s something about Nigerian men in relationships - they feel powerful and needed when a woman depends on them for money, but somehow, they feel useless when she doesn’t.
To them, financial provision starts from the relationship.
And that’s the problem. I’ve always said that if ladies set money aside and focus on the important things, they’ll see how foolish some men can be when they’re not needed financially.
As a man, you have far more to offer than just financial provision. But the problem is that most of you equate provision solely with money - not emotional support, not spiritual strength, not kindness, not leadership, and definitely not vision. So, you feel useless when a woman doesn’t need you for those things.
To the ladies, let me say this once more: no man needs an independent woman, but they do need a self-sufficient one. So don't be independent; be self-sufficient. While independence is about full autonomy, self-sufficiency allows room for love and dependence on leadership..
This brings me to financial responsibility in relationships:
What counts as foolish spending, and what does not?
Before we get into that ..
A man definitely wants to be needed. He can't lead and bond with you if he isn’t needed, so you want to be that soft, feminine woman with a heart of gold - someone who is interested in his growth while also relying on him emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, practically.. as someone you value and respect.
It mustn't be all about money... 👀
When I talk about spending, most ladies interpret it as me encouraging men to be stingy. 😄 I'm not saying a man can't spend - the question is, what is he spending on? We're exploring how a man can cope with a self-sufficient lady, which some of you entitled brats out there should be. 👀
Gifting, supporting genuine needs, outings, dates, thoughtful gestures, and appreciation...
And the same should be expected of you too... But yeah, i'd prefer a man should lead in that..
What shouldn't he spend on? 👀
Hair money, allowance, "prove of love money," transport fare (though, of course, he can assist if you genuinely can't afford it), or using money to apply pressure just because he's asking you out, spending money on your siblings, even your parents, your skincare.
"I can't be looking beautiful for you, and you won’t buy my cream for me" - madam, weren’t you buying those things when you were single?
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, a married woman with two kids. She was using an iPhone 12 Pro Max, which was already wearing out and giving her issues. So, she had started saving up to buy an iPhone 13.
Along the line, her husband overheard her talking about the phone issues. She didn’t want to bother him, so her plan was to save up a bit and then maybe bring it up to see if he could support her.
But guess what? He decided to surprise her and ordered an iPhone 16 Pro Max from the U.S. for her!
If a wife with two kids can be considerate enough not to pressure her husband.. the father of her children.. to buy her a phone, how much more should you, who are "just a girlfriend" and not even sure you'll end up with him?
Now, back to the main point…
Men, you have more to offer than money. Never be intimidated, and never reduce your value to just financial support. If she has money, look for what she lacks and be her guide.
Women, calm down. Be responsible, be content with your little hustle, don’t depend on men for sustenance, and learn to be a virtuous and supportive woman.
End
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