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@ Raasclart! inpc
2025-02-17 07:48:11
Here we go, it’s Mooooonnnndddddaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!
It’s safe to say I enjoy Monday. Much as I appreciate the downtime over the weekend (if I’m not working) I appreciate the routine of Mondays. Firstly I have my stream to look forward to and whilst I’m not at my best first thing on a Monday, having a little structure goes a long way. Even the fear of looking at the emails I’ve been ignoring from the previous week is possible.
So maybe I’m starting to get an angle of why I’m writing this. It’s a memoir of being a mental I think. I’ve mentioned a number of times this has been a problem most my life but I write this as I’ve halved my Venlafaxine does by ½ once again. This means I’m now on 1/12th of my original dose and I’m maybe a month away from being completely free of RRSIs for the first time in, I guess at least 10 years. To be honest I cant remember when I was first prescribed them. It’s been quite a journey...
3 things have been pivotal. 1; finding my now wife. She’s brilliant and I love her dearly, I think most people know deep down how crushing loneliness can be. I’m very grateful to her for putting up with my bullshit, supporting me and just being there. Gold star for her!
2; would be music, it’s a funny one to put in, it’s also been part of the problem, especially in my wilder days. There’s something quite seductive about the sex, drugs and Rock n Roll meme, although musically it was more Hip Hop, Reggae, Bleeps and Jazz, also I didn’t sleep around much at all but I certainly don’t think I would’ve messed with crack, heroin and all the other drugs otherwise. It’s worth noting 2 of my friends from that era, who didn’t have music in their lives are dead. I’m very lucky. There’s over 100 years of recorded music to enjoy plus I’m almost happy with some of my own bits at last!
3; I have some security, I no longer pay rent or have a landlord. This is also due to number 1 but also because I found some funny internet money. I’m still to write about my process with that, other than to say it was direct response to the banks. That’s a story in it’s own right, it’s pretty dark and hmm… not sure. Plus I don’t think there’s any need to go there right now. I have the world’s most expensive shed and I know I can survive a few months should the worst happen. That’s a LOT. Whilst a little risk taking is healthy, life shouldn’t free stress free, uncertainty about having a roof over your head when you can’t afford it can really take it’s toll. A degree of security is most welcome at this time in life.
A lot of people aren’t so lucky, Tom, Ricky, Dave, Slam, Joel. I’m name checking you specifically. You’re in my thoughts often, especially as I play music every morning… and Slam, if I ever see you again, I want my records back!!! Haha, thieving little cunt but it’s still not hate here. Your life was fucked up before you even had a chance. I hope you’ve found peace with yourself. At least you’re alive! (I think, he might be dead too, who knows…)
So yeah, it’s Monday and it’s gonna be a good day right? I mean it might not but I will at least give it the best start possible and work from there. It takes a degree of effort to retrain the brain. Actually maybe there’s a 4th thing to mention. No Facebacon, Instagran, X or LinkedIn. None of that bullshit where you’re forced into some fake world generated in order to increase shareholder value. These platforms are akin to being a lab rat. I picture Zuckerberg like Ming The Merciless at the start of Flash Gordon sending hot hail etc. That guy made a decision to mess with peoples’ psyche to drive profits. That’s fucking evil man. Jeez, what a cunt!
It’s Monday, I’m wishing you strength in whatever you have ahead of you today. I’m lucky to be where I am right now and if you’re reading this and your world is plagued by darkness, it can get better. Remember that. Hold onto that as best you can. DON’T FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. That’s the single worst thing you can do. The pain you’ll leave behind isn’t worth it. I hope some cosmic vibrations happen in your favour. There’s no easy solution. I can’t tell you the answer but I wish you well. Good luck out there!